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✦ AUGHTY ✦
The Keys
22
AUGHTY
There is something called neurochemistry.
It explains what happens in an autistic brain when it meets
a task it finds genuinely engaging — versus one it doesn't.
THE NEUROCHEMISTRY. ACCURATELY STATED.
engagement threshold
GABA
inhibitory
Dopamine
motivation
below threshold
In the autistic brain, the balance between excitatory and
inhibitory neurotransmitters is disrupted.
GABA — the brain's main inhibitory signal — does not build
to its usual level without a sufficient trigger.
Dopamine — which drives motivation and sustained attention —
does not release reliably for tasks the brain has not
flagged as genuinely engaging.
Below the threshold, the attention system does not engage.
Not reluctantly. Not partially.
It simply does not fire.
AUGHTY
I am aware that "neurochemistry" probably means very little
to most people in practical terms. Allow me to explain it differently.
A JOKE OLD PEOPLE MAKE ABOUT THEIR BODIES
a key drops.
Imagine you are old.
Bending over has become an event.
Your back files a formal objection
every time it is requested.
A key drops.
The joke goes: before you bend over,
you think about what else you could pick up
while you are down there.
Make the trip worth it.
NOW YOUR BODY WON'T BEND UNLESS THE FLOOR IS WORTH IT
10c
threshold met
10c
One key won't make the back bend.
So I throw more down —
coins, a pen — until it agrees.
Yes: I threw the keys. That is the trick. That is the absurdity.
AUGHTY
That is what it means to be autistic.
You meet a task. It is genuinely unengaging. Your brain will not bend.
You make mistakes. You miss things. You do it badly —
not because you can't, but because the mechanism hasn't fired.
THRESHOLD MET
I can cook a ten course meal.
completely absorbed.
THRESHOLD NOT MET
I will burn the fish stick.
did not survive.
The difference between the two is not effort.
It is not motivation, in the way most people use that word.
It is whether the task met the threshold that makes the mechanism fire.
I did not choose the threshold.
I did not choose what clears it.
Nobody asked me. It was already installed.
The fish stick was from a box. Four minutes at 180 degrees.
I have a doctorate-level understanding of complex distributed systems.
The fish stick did not survive.